Why Some Succeed and Others Fail... Mindset for Female Business Owners

Mar 31, 2021

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Hello. Hi everybody

is Kylie. I'm back. Today I wanted to have a chat about why some people win where other people's file. And I think it's just something that I was thinking about today and I thought I'd share my experience with this, and my thoughts and this might be, it might turn on the light bulb for you to help you to tune in to your natural success ability your natural courage and your next natural drive okay so often we, you know, when we set a goal or are we trying to set an intention or a time to grow our business or to try to provide greater security for ourselves and our family, we encounter all of our fears we encounter a wall of fears about what's not going to work. But how we're going to end up destitute about if we don't work really, really hard. We're going to be out on it yeah


you know it's just like we need to, you know, there's a shortage there's a scarcity in clients resources opportunity for money, you know, there's really like a hey that's a good idea and then instantly, we create all of the catastrophes that could go wrong. And this is our egos way of keeping us safe and making sure that nothing blindsides us catches us off guard and also you know so that things aren't we don't get too big, boots that we don't change too much, because people don't like change so we're too successful then there might be people that won't like it right or people might get jealous of us well people might say nasty things will make up stories about us, because, you know, because all of a sudden we are changing the status quo. But what I was thinking about on the app, the answer to

that question like why do some people succeed where others fail, there's a lot of answers to that, okay and that's why I said pop on because you know i think that there's this is something I think about a lot, and I certainly say, you know, very lots of different facets of working with my clients about why, what, what might be holding them back from aligning and flowing with a natural success, their natural drive, and the divine design for their life in their business. So I was thinking, you know, that a common experience that we all have and as of next week, our Facebook feeds will be flooded with pictures from it. That going to school, my little boy is starting prep next year, what not next year. This year is that in fact next week. A little boy starting prep next week. And you know, in school. We have, there's a spectrum of performance, and there's a wide variety of people's experience of going through school. And so, you know, everybody has the same teachings, as they like imagine all the kids say 20 kids in a classroom, and all 20 kids are hearing the same words coming out of the teachers mouth. And yet, all 20 kids will get very have very different results and will have interpreted that those words and interpret the directions in very different ways will create different outcomes based on the instructions of what they've heard from the teacher. And so, that's interesting right so the kids will say 20 kids. 20 different outcomes from a simple set of instructions.

And so

when we look at our businesses, and we might be looking at other people who are doing exactly


same thing for us no such thing is exactly but basically you know i certainly saw this working with different business coaches, follow instructions from programs that I've invested into following trusting the process you know so many business coaches will say, trust the process trust the process. Yet even with all the people who do trust the process. They're still a massive variety in the outcomes for that process and for the results that the people who have trusted that process will get so, you know, my, my response from that is that actually we need to align without iron process. And so, trusting the process that someone is giving to us. For me, in my experience, and the way that I've seen what I've seen happen in lots of different programs and coaching coaches that I've worked with it. I think there's a better way to do it than that, either then trust somebody else's process I think it's actually better to trust our own process, but we need to know how to align with our process and we need to know how to understand and work with and, you know, it's like our processes are like Rubik's Cubes you know and Rubik's Cubes I've never actually been able to get one to completion like I have never I think the one time that I did that I pulled it apart. Did not did not trust me with your Rubik's Cube but you can trust me, in terms of self awareness and unlocking yourself from limiting beliefs. So how do limiting beliefs get there well let's, let's have a little chat about that because the school room situation, actually responsible for a lot of our processes and our limitations you know that one time that we put our hand up to contribute an answer, and we got shamed for saying something stupid or that we answered a completely different question than what the teacher had asked but we answered what we thought the teacher was asking funny side note, I corrected my YouTube teacher. When she said that it was impossible to draw three dots, without it being a triangle and I said, I had to argue with her and defend my position that was actually if you did them in a straight line it's not a triangle. So, everyone else said it's not possible. I said it is possible. And everybody was right in my life, actually. That has been the story of my life, asked me about hairdressing college. Talk about that one day. Anyway, so we often will funny. Not funny but we'll have situations that happened in our childhood, where we put ourselves out there, I had a really painful experience in primary school where I had a starring role in the school play, I was like being named star, but I could not make a car noise in front of everybody like as in I had to get in the car for $10 and I had to step into a cardboard box. Pretend I was driving a car and go. But I was so self conscious I couldn't do it. And so I lost the role they took the roll off of me they gave me five free attempts to do it. And I didn't succeed and so they took the roll off of me and then I became the second style of the show like the sick as a support role. And so I was kind of devastated with that. It was really devastating to have a the saw and then to not be able to perform as requested to have very little amount of time to get into line with that particular requirement, and then having the role taken from me. So we, you know, what does that make, what does that, what do we make that mean about ourselves well you know I made it made a lot of things about me that I was so foul yell at you know, I think I was going through not very true. So I was like, eight years old. You would think I yeah but that's like way in the past but guess what the shame and the pain and the anger of that, unless you become conscious of it. It's still like it's, it's still sitting wet behind you be like, oh, that like don't put your head down Put your head up, then put your hand up for that, like, Don't put yourself out there they might ask you for something that you'll look like an idiot. You might have to do something they'll make you look, not like you're doing it right, and those people would judge you, and they'll take away from you, you'll lose that you're fail.

You know, and so we have all these experiences that we take meaning from and you know it's

just the role of our ego. And so our ego wants to keep us safe so we had that painful experience where I was established for example for me, I was the starring role, and then I had the situation taken away from me very painful for my ego and so my ego was like, we're not doing that again. No no

no no no.

The ego could have gone like right next time I have an opportunity I know you better and shiny and more dazzling and I'm going to like make the most amazing sound effects ever I might even click on that, I might use then it might go in the other way. But you go and, like, kind of hide. But then, you know, I do have pink hair and I've had that since I was 15 so it kind of maybe it can be expressed in different ways but. So, it does get incorporated into who you are and the way you show up show up and like just imagine, you know, even from grade one from prep. These experiences start to influence who we are. Let's not you know we don't even need to go into like all the things that happen in high school, all the things that happen when you're at uni, all the things that happened with the first relationship, all of the things that happen. Even just in your home, the way that your parent it. All of these things, shape, who you are and how you turn up to the opportunities that are at hand, the way that you approach your life, your dreams, your projects, your goals. I mean if you have if you've had a painful experience of failing failing or you felt shamed for your performance or your output, your outcomes. Then we, you know, it creates a kind of passive aggressive relationship with your goals, it's like, oh, oh I don't really need to I don't really mind I don't really care if it really happens, but that's kind of what I want, but I don't really want it you know, and that's like, Where's the clarity in that you know where, where is like the commitment, and that. How are you ever going to get anything happening when you're like, oh, maybe I can settle. I don't need to have it I wonder, but I don't really need to have it because I'm too scared to face the things that could go wrong. And so, you know, you have these people who are kind of like on the opposite side of that who have always been and always been the winner have always been like demolish the competition and so they're really driven like so they're, for example in a mosque, the mastermind that I was in in 2018 was in a mastermind very expensive massive investment promised, the world was, I was constantly told to follow the process process didn't work. You know I let stuff. I did definitely grow and that that journey, but it wasn't the way that I wanted. What I didn't get what I was had joined the program for but I think it's the plenty of good stuff out of it but, you know, but the people who did really, really well. We're very very driven from a competitive point of view. And so, and, you know, like, that's fine, but that's like, then not competing in the not shining and being like the center, you know, set a retention and stuff like that kind of, like, community dynamic and it's kind of like, what's the point, which again to me it doesn't mean anything unless like I'm not only sad, it doesn't mean anything because obviously we all want recognition and we all want approval and all that sort of stuff like that's a normal sort of thing but then, for me, I'm different by my own purpose, you know I'm driven by a heartfelt desire to really like serve people on the planet women especially on the planet to awaken and ignite and arise and be empowered and to provide to flourish and thrive you know that's that's all I like and you know especially working with women in business because when you're when women will become empowered it's like the ripples flow out through the community it's your family. It's your lineage, you know, it's your children, it's your, your schools and your communities in your teens, you know, women are such nurturers, and so often you know historically especially we've been conditioned to, you know, serve everybody else's needs rather than our own and put out last whereas, you know, that's like, that's you know that's 50 years ago now, really. It's time for women to really women's voices to be heard and women's needs and passions and desires to be expressed on the planet. Because, you know, I think it's just, it's what's needed right. So that's what I'm really passionate about. So the other thing I just, you know, I was also remembering or thinking about when I was, you know, vacuuming the floor and doing all that stuff at home today if I was like a house cleaning guy is that, and a website to the thing today anyway I've done lots of stuff today, but I'm every business coach I've worked with every single one. Every single one, including hairdressing business coaches that I work with, and my services catches this one really dodgy guy at the very beginning, who was really funny,

but they all incorporate this mindset and self identity work. Now, some of them just kind of like,

they give it a

shot is not really where they're what they know. But they know it's what is needed like they're trying to address that fact that, you know, given a room of 100 people. There'll be five superstars who are like razzle dazzle shine Look at me, I'm like, you know, a soaring star and they really, you know, they do have that kind of trajectory but they also like they're very driven in that way because they're always wanting to like ever achieve. And then you'll have, you know, a big chunk in the middle, who basically, you know, anywhere from doing quite well to kind of average. And then you'll also have a percentage at the end who are just like really struggled. And so they trying to, they're trying to help people to like get their head game. Right, so that all that crap from your childhood and from your relationship from the partner who told you that you couldn't do it. The partner who told you never gonna amount to anyone for anything to fund the main girls who like told you that you're too fat too nerdy to whatever too much. All of those stories that you've accumulated throughout your lifetime, about why you'll never be successful why it's never gonna work for you while you don't get why you don't get to have the life that you want to live will take you out of the game. If it's not addressed and so every single business coach I've had has always tried to include some way of helping people to get into the right mindset now some of them have done it quite well and others. Like I said, probably more like very blunt and very dull, like not not great. But, you know, clearly, I think at the time I also thought that I understood it more what they were talking about because obviously all the work that I've done is in personal development and and energy healing and spirituality and consciousness. So, but yeah that's what what occurred to me is that they all do they all address the psychology. Because it's probably 80% of success. That's it, because it affects how you show up. It affects the words you tell yourself affects the goals that you set yourself affects the standards that you have for yourself and for your life and for your business, and and affects the way in which you've followed through and you know take action and so just thinking or talking about it. You know, we can think and talk about something and it makes us feel really good. But we never actually take that next step of that, doing something about it and so it really does take a shitload of courage to go from talk from thinking to actually take the shame out of courage to go from thinking to talking to tell someone actually want to do this. And then it takes exponential more amount more of courage to go from talking about actually doing okay and so the thing is, when you can tune in to your own purpose and you really get that vision for you like this, this thing that you're, you're thinking about, is actually going to lead you to the greatest joy in your life. Well, it becomes much easier to be courageous right but if you're just doing it because you need some money or if you think it might be and not so that you think that someone might, but, you know, like, that's probably not enough to get you out of the thinking phase it's not enough to get you out of the talking phase. It's a, you really need to have a heart centered passion, a purpose. Might not you might not identify it as a passion but purpose, like a real like rock solid. This is what I need to do. This is what I was wanting to do this is what everything that I've been, you know, doing up until now is for me to do. So that's very very much key and 80% of your success is going to come from the gains that your mind and your ego plays with you, and the amount that you are limited by the stories that you tell. Now, that is, obviously, my superpower, and will how I help my clients to unlock the prison's of self doubt and actually step through the fiery, you know, what is it the value darkness the belly of darkness with fire and lava. That really uncomfortable uncomfortable painful terrifying stretch and actually taking action, it's feels like a mountain. When you have the right tools and you have the right support. It really is just like this, this mindset can turn a mountain into a little molecule. And that's where my superpowers come in so if both sounds like something that would be helpful for you guys,

then please send me a

I do offer a free breakthrough session to help women who are in business, you have to be in business for at least two years though so that's my boundary around it at the moment. Anyway, if you've been in business for two years, and you really want help in unlocking, you know, your actual successful dreams that you really want to take it you feel like you've not been getting traction in your business, you've not been getting traction and towards the direction that you want to go and you feel like you're probably selling yourself short and sabotaging yourself, then please feel free to reach out and jump on a call with me a breakthrough session we'll talk about what's not working, what you actually want to achieve and what are the steps that you need to take to get you from A to B. So, and it takes about an hour 45 minutes to an hour to do that so and I offer that that's my love and, obviously, it is my love and my passion. And if you want help with it. We can also talk about what your, what your opportunities are for working with me. So, but, you know, I know not everybody will be in the right place to be able to work with me and not everybody's going to be suitable for working with me and if that's the case, I can certainly recommend other coaches or programs that might be better suited to where you're at. So that's it for me. I hope that's been interesting maybe has opened up your mind about a few little things a little stories that you might be telling yourself. I'd love to know if there's anything that you'd like to share please send, please leave it in the comment below this video or send me a private message. Okay,

lots of love, bye.