The True Cost Of your Self Doubt - Female Business OwnersMar 31, 2021
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Hey bosses, how are you, it's Kylie here. I'm here to have a little chat to you about my favorite topic. Oh Bom Bom. And no, it's not my hair clip the ponytail, will go meta annoying length you know when your hair hits your shoulders and bounces off and it just doesn't look good. Now I'm talking about self doubt, I'm talking about confidence. So, you know, self doubt confidence that two ends of the same spectrum, and courage, confidence, doubt, you know, they're all in, they're all connected to one another. And we can think, Oh yeah, well, I guess I just need to stop doubting myself right like we kind of get all we become aware, we're aware of times when we doubt ourselves where we might hold hold ourselves back. But, you know, in the greater scheme of things we just, we get by right, we think that maybe it's not that big a deal everybody doubts themselves. And, yeah, you know, having more confidence would be nice, that was, that's a nice thing to have, but it's not, you know it's not a pressing need for some people for a lot of people. But, you know, the thing is that because we're tend to leave where we gloss over, we live in a way of glossing over, you know, we've glossed over the surface of things, and we don't really take a moment to consider what add doubt a self doubt, or lack of confidence is costing us. And this, if this is something that gets challenged, I can tell you if you're creating new, if you're in transition you begin something new in any area of your life, if you're encountering dat if you really don't have the confidence, you're just not going to get results right and we know that like, you know that if you are for example you're you're single and ready to mingle right you want to go, you want to, you want a new relationship. But you don't have the confidence to put yourself out there or you really doubt whether or not you're going to find someone with you to go to connect with someone that if it's impossible for you to love someone again after all that you've been through, asked me how I know. But like your dad is going to take you out of the game completely right and that's the same like if we were going, Hey I know I want to do something with my health I have a health goal I really would love to, you know, commit to a program and really focus on my health and get my health, look at you know in a better place. And then we go to doubt straightaway, but I do I have what it takes my go to be committed, am I going to stick with a program or am I going to be too hard for me, is it even the right way to do it like, straight away. Our brains, about our fears, straightaway comes and takes us out of the gate. Do you think you get to stick to that program. There's too many questions there's too many, too much unknown too much uncertainty and too much doubt in our capacity to do what we thought we wanted to do, like, Yes, I wanted to have a better relationship with my body and you know maybe fit back into my old clothes but I just you know I just couldn't take that next step. When it comes to our businesses. Oh boy, oh boy oh boy oh boy, when you're self employed and you're like the, you know the head honcho. And no one there like checking on your wagon holding you, holding you accountable. It's so easy to wiggle out about intentions, it's easy to wiggle out of those decisions, you know like oh I'm going to, You know I'm going to do up post on social media, every single day this week or I'm going to follow up with that person who, you know, had an inquiry and we you know, I didn't hear back. I'm going to follow up with that person. Yet, straightaway we can go into debt or what if they don't want really want what I, you know maybe if they don't want what I offer or, maybe, maybe it just be annoying. If I follow up with them and might just be annoying or if I post every day it might be just annoying or for post every day I don't think anyone's ever watching or listening or looking at it and maybe people don't like what I'm posting, you know, straightaway, it's like we straightaway will take ourselves out of the game. And again if we don't have someone holding us accountable, other than ourselves,
then guess what, we just, we just like nothing to say. Yeah. No one's holding us accountable so why would we address that. Why would we address that. No one does not. No one's like, making us look at the fact that we didn't keep our word no one's making us look at the fact that we don't seem to believe in the value of our offer or we don't seem to believe in that our clients have a need that we can fulfill right, so we just left her own devices. That's terrible. Perhaps you got a good business and it's, it's, it's doing well you're happy with where it's at. But you still find yourself in situations where you hold back on making an offer to a client. You hold back on launching a new product, because you're just not sure how it's going to go, and you just, it's just this too much uncertainty there for you to put yourself out there. And so you don't make the offer, you could be with sitting across the table from someone who's an ideal client who really wants what you are, but for some reason you don't make them an offer, because you doubt yourself you doubt, are there, we're just being kind, they were just showing interest because they were like trying to be kind to me, I had that thought, believe me. And, you know, or like, Oh, they're just being polite, you know that they're just being polite, they're not really actually interested in what I have. But actually, maybe they were actually interested in them leave that interaction thinking, Oh, maybe she didn't want to work with me or maybe she's busy, or maybe, maybe, maybe, I don't know, maybe she didn't want to work with me like I take it personally or like just yeah maybe, oh, maybe, maybe that was all just talk, maybe she was people. So we can do that right so the cost, you know, there is, if you think back on all the times when you were talking to someone you're fielding an inquiry, maybe it was an inquiry that came like not through your normal business communication or some that you met at a barbecue or at your kids school with, you know, yet there's definitely interest there, and you didn't give them a card, or you didn't get the details into follow up to come back and follow up with them, then you've left a whole lot of money on the table, you've left someone with a need unmet and you are basically just pretending that, that never happened. And then you go, oh universe, can I please have some more clients please universe like Oh, come on for me about, like, universe this guy, are you talking about, I organize that barbecue for you and you just totally ignored it, like what, so, you know, if you have beliefs that say, following up with an inquiry or following up on interest is annoying, and that people are only listening to you because they're being polite. That's terrible. And it's costing you money, right, it's costing you money, it means that you're not serving your clients means their client your clients needs the going unmet. It means that they could go to someone who will only do a half assed job compared to what you do. And so, yeah, that's not great, right, another option, another reason when another way in which self doubt and lack of confidence really messes you up messes your life up, because when you don't enforce a boundary. So, this is especially true if you're running a business and you've got teams, but this is a true with kids, this is the truth with relationships, this is the truth of yourself right so if you don't have boundaries, you're not enforcing boundaries, you're not you don't have clear boundaries, about how you work when you were the standard to which you work. You know the way in which you engage with people, like, what your preferences are, what your needs are, what your expectations are so that you know, all the things we have boundaries around, you know, we communicate we need to be able to communicate them we need to make requests for people we need to be able to address situations when the standards are not being met. And if we're not doing that with that team, they're not doing that with that children if you're not doing it with ourselves or our relationships, the standards deteriorate the standards drop. And so why does that happen, because we don't feel confident enough to have that conversation, Like we make it all about ourselves like, oh I don't want to say anything, they might like me.
I'll get angry at me. Maybe I'm the one that's wrong, maybe I need to pick up my game. Maybe I just need to accommodate whatever this, like, follow you to absorb agreements, is I need to just accommodates my fault, a lot of. We do that a lot. Right. And so, we miss the opportunity missed the opportunity to address something in a timely way, we missed the opportunity and so he just keeps on sliding it's like flight, flight flights further down the spiral. And then it's just like, well where do I even start trying to address this stuff like, and meanwhile you're going, you're fuming, you know, the more that a boundary is crossed, that's when you have that hits of anger, like, how could they do that, what are they doing, are they taking the piss out of me like seriously, what are they thinking how can they behave that way. So we get more and more, right and then, you know. Throwing tantrum, and that's really disruptive, whereas if we'd have it more competence that we hadn't been second guessing ourselves. We have more competence and our capacity to skillfully communicate a boundary and enforce that boundary, then when we're not going to let it build to the point where there is no return. And if you have a team and you're a leader in your team, then you really need to be had to have the confidence to set boundaries communicate those boundaries and enforce those boundaries in a way that is skillful that people can hear if the communication is received and so that they understand where they're not meeting the boundaries where the performance might be, maybe missing the mark a little bit and that you can have the leadership to show them to talk to them and address that in a way that is not resulting in you throwing a tantrum and being crazy woman can do it in a way where it's like it's not a whole lot of blame and judgment and shame raining down upon your team member. It's actually way more skillful than that, like it can just be a really light conversation with no anger, which, but we Yeah, so without confidence without belief in yourself, when you're judging yourself or you're doubting your capacity you're doubting your, your own boundaries, then it's gonna be really hard. And so, that comes into like the last, last thing I want to talk about is that we're not addressing poor performance. And then we're tolerating dysfunction which was the rating low standards. And then that just becomes our norm and that reinforces our self worth, it reinforces our self doubt, like I, this is not what I wanted. It's not what I was hoping, but this is all I can think to manage and then you make it mean about stuff about yourself so flagger, which, I mean, it is a reflection right so it doesn't mean that that's the ultimate truth of who you are, it just means that you haven't, You know, been conducting yourself in a way where you are congruent with your values are not congruent with your desires, your preferences, your needs in a particular situation and your expectations so when you really tune into building self worth, and then self knowledge and cultivating healthy confidence, then you can address things before they become completely dysfunctional right so yeah so that's probably all I want to really share about self doubt today, and, you know, just think about like what is that costing you if you are if you're working with the team, if you got a team you're leading a team and your business and there's like a whole lot of sloppy standards that aren't being addressed, that's costing me money, right, it's costing me money it's costing you energy and time, it's costing you energy and your vibe, because you're like fuming because I am frustrated because it's not how you wanted it to be. That's not how you want your team to operate. And, you know, if you're not enforcing the boundaries then it's like, it feeds on itself if you're like letting things slide all the time then it's like no one's gonna take note if it was gonna take you seriously. No one's it's just like a little Kyle she went blind they'll just
turn up late ha Sorry I'm late again. And you know the thing is, you're tolerating that, like, whereas the tolerating this kind of stuff so, and how does that make you feel about yourself and how does that make you feel about your business. It's like, it's a whole lot of energetic weight and energetic drain that you just don't need like imagine if you were seeking free software this is showing up in your life or your business. I just think about if I didn't have this going on in my life, my business if I didn't have this going on like how much energy and time and peace of mind when they get back. How would that impact your day, how much, how they impact your energy. And the way that you like how you feel when you wake up in the morning and it's time to go to work like to get you know you have a workday, how does, how does that make you feel. And if you could get that back. Like how would you wake up like how would you finish the day, how would you use that extra energy, because you could totally be investing that energy into creating more magic in your life, rather than, you know, gritting your teeth in gnashing and wailing over, like, things that you just haven't times when you didn't make the offer regrets about conversations not being had. You know, and like, gosh, you know, really like when you don't have the confidence to follow your dreams, that's like a whole lot that you're living, wanting to do one thing and doing a completely different thing and that is a massive harder. It's hard, it hurts my heart to think about that right, how many people are doing that.
So yeah, just,
if you were actually acting in alignment in incongruent way with, like, that you are enough and that you are worthy and that you know what your dreams are that you have for your life, that they're valuable and important, and that you're going to take action for them that you validate probably them enough to treat them seriously, then that's a completely different life. Okay, so some things to ponder there for you. I hope you enjoyed that and I'll see you soon.