Heart Centered Women in Business - Have Healthy Boundaries

Mar 31, 2021

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0:02
Yeah so, how's everybody going. It's been crazy week. Astrologically speaking and energetically speaking, the lead up to Christmas, it's all the weirdness in the world. And there was a crazy.

0:19
Alright, Cliff.

0:20
This year, like this way, sorry I was on Monday with the new moon. And if you haven't seen footage of that check it out. Because for me, I've been feeling the energy with this thing kind of crazy, and showing up is pretty crazy stuff happening in my life. And so I thought I'd come in here, we'll chat about it, and then particularly around boundaries because boundaries is something that we as boss ladies, really need to be able to master, okay. Because when you don't have boundaries so you don't have boundaries that you feel good about, then life is miserable, you know, and you get taken advantage of. So we'll have a little bit of chat about that today. If you're watching the replay, which doesn't seem like anyone's watching this at the moment but if you're watching the replay just say hi in the comments so that I know that you have seen it and if you, if anything resonates with you please let me know. So, we can talk more about this stuff. So, what is a boundary, right, like, kind of, I guess we kind of know what it is you know it's like a line in the sand, right. It's got a lot to do with our standards. What we're going to accept what we're tolerating, and then the boundaries that limit of how much we will tolerate so we as women are very much conditioned to be very accommodating so our boundaries can actually be very difficult for us to implement in our last because our entire internal wiring and being raised as women and girls and maybe there's biological software I don't know but culturally, culturally, We're definitely raised to be accommodating so that means that it's really hard for us to have boundaries in place that really support us meeting our needs and support us in being able to set an expectation with the people around us or with it, whether it be with the supplier, whether it be with your child, whether it be with the lover, whether it even be with yourself, you know, we also have to have boundaries with ourselves. So when we don't have good boundaries. What does that look like, Okay, well, I mean saying yes, when you want to say no. It means doing things because you know somebody else wants you to do it. Not necessarily because it's the right thing for you means letting people take an inch, and then another inch and then another and then another and then another edge and then you know you eventually you might just go, you know, pop the cork and be like, and stop you know put an end to that. Right, so it's like, And then guess what happens, then you feel anxious because you. Yeah, you look like a crazy lady, that's what happens to you, that those inches and inches and into the taken and then that you respond because you finally being pushed to the point that absolute limit where your boundaries cannot flex anymore. And so, you react, not just for that last little push. Last little pushing the boundaries, not, not that one. No, you react for the sum total of all the times and you got pushed all the time so you got your, your boundaries got flexed and stretched. And so, in itself, it can understand why you have such a big reaction, but the other person that will know it and it's not really fair on that person either for you to be like, responding to their last request when you really probably haven't even communicated that it's even an issue for you because you've internalized it. And you are not speaking about it you're not expressing that. That doesn't actually work for you. And so what does, you know what else does that mean, what else does that look like, okay, so it means you might not have good boundaries with your clients so they're calling you on the weekend, they're messaging you at nighttime. They're, they are sending you a request and expecting you to action that that same day. They might be like, Oh, you're doing this job for me. Can I just slip this extra bit in and you don't have to not have to pay any extra for that, or you know them, or they're like, asking you to do this, this and this and then can you also do this thing that's got nothing to do with your like initial agreement. So, those, those sort of things have boundaries, other things that always that people can like take advantage of your boundaries or lack of boundaries can be like, I can make you responsible.

5:26
So partners can do this friends can do this. Clients can do this or they can say well you know like, they're feeling neglected or they're feeling marginalized because of something that you're, You're doing or that you need to do more in order to make them feel happy, organize them for value so, like, often with in relationships with the whole dance around boundaries you know like, Will, how are you going to parent my needs and how, how you going to make me feel special. And how are you going to make me feel loved and saved and so we, everybody does it so it's just being having some awareness around what is playing out, because whenever there's a boundary that's being pushed a little, or has been crossed a little there's often a gain for the game. If you're allowing your boundary to be pushed back and you're accommodating something, there's something that you're doing like you're accepting that because you feel like you need to in order to secure some other need and often that is feeling needed or valued, feeling like you're important or significant. So, like it's crazy right like you just think what, why would I do that I don't need to do that I need to, You know, do these extra things in order to be like safe, or to have a client. Yeah, we do that, you know, and so just really, really important to have awareness around what what those what your where your boundaries are, what boundaries have been compromised to push back. And what you can do about it so you'll know there's been a boundary with the word incursion. If you feel a bit pissed off feeling frustrated if you're feeling a little bit about something, you have a history of frustration or irritation. Then there's, most likely a boundary that has been crossed. And so, what do you do with that. Do you stop pilot with the other pile of irritation and frustration until you reach that point where you can't fulfill it any more than you. You know, do you do something else. Do you learn how to be more a better communicator and, you know for dealing with these in the moment. Well, that's obviously what we want. But you know that can be a lot more difficult to do, especially if you have a whole backlog of rotation and pitch softness, like, just, just there. It's like you feel like you can feel like well I shouldn't need to have to be better at communicating. Like, I thought all this evidence of how people is shipped to me right so that the thing is, it doesn't work that way. So yeah, you need to do. We need to deal with that stuff we're all dealing with our staff so we need to really master boundaries we really need to be able to communicate clearly we need to be able to be very intentional, where our boundaries are and we need to have those, we need to enforce those boundaries we need to be able to do that in a way which is where people can hear it. People can hear that that's actually a boundary because so often we'll say it in a way, we'll try and enforce it in a way which is just like people don't even realize that that's what you're trying to do. I feel like I didn't even realize that that was an issue for you and you're like I said the words. These words but that still doesn't work for me but everything else in your life, your beingness was just like, accommodate all accommodate whatever you need because I'm an Accommodator or people pleaser whatever it is. I'm, like, you know, over functional I can handle everything I can, I can make shit happen you just ask me, I'll make it happen. So, yeah, so you might be saying the word, but your energy is saying something completely different. Right, so you might be saying the words, and it's like you are saying the words but because you don't have the conviction and belief in yourself. It's like the volume of what you're saying is turned all the way down, and it's just like a little weird. So, you know the way to change that is to develop a relationship, a different relationship with your, like, your boundaries, and with your impairment. So it's like you're owning that.

10:14
This is what I'm saying and I look at it allow any incursions beyond these walls, Thou shalt not pass right. So, and that's you know, obviously that's a really about personal development, it's about personal growth, it's about being able to tune into. Wow, where did I just sell myself out then like When did I just like completely by myself. How did I, how did I end up saying yes to this how did I tolerate this how, why am I tolerating this kind of behavior. And so often, it's a lot more complicated than just being like that one conversation, you know, it's often based on a whole lifetime of experiences where that was the familiar way that was what was role model to you that was what was encouraged from you. That was how you got your needs met, whether it be for safety, whether it be for love and affection, whether it be for feeling like the approval, you know the significance, whatever it was, like, you have this wiring in you that says, Okay, if I accommodate. If I meet that needs have I like right rise to the occasion and I like over deliver and over function and I can do it all and short period of time and a short turnaround. I'm pretty good, like I'm a pretty good person like if I can do these things, right, because you can shine under pressure when other people call on. Guess what, people just find, you know people gravitated to you yeah and they just use you like a workhorse you know they'll just be like, oh, I'll just get that person over there to do it for me because I can't be Australian myself. So you don't want to do that because, guess what, it just ends up, you end up being resentful, burnt out. Yeah, that being pissed off and grumpy and tired and you don't have the energy or the time or the focus to do the things that actually matter to you. Right so boundaries. It's a real, like skill it's an art, and it really does come from getting like, actually interested about what's going on here, what's going on energetically for you, and being able to step into that, that more powerful position where it's like, say what you need to communicate effectively and that's that's actually heard that's received, and understood. You know that the message actually gets across, and your whole being is congruent with what that boundary is and you can do that and be absolutely gentle you can do that and be loving and do that and be completely, respectful, instead of like, allowing the irritation annoyance the frustration pile up and righteous indignation the pile up behind you, until that day when you pushed up against the wall and you snap you know, like done dynamites fireworks over. That's my little tip for today but some boundaries. And you know, going into Christmas. Think I will make a little bit in here next week but yeah if you have any questions or have any of that resonated with you please make sure you send a comment in the box below so that I know that you are watching these videos and that there is something of value for you. And, yeah, maybe like, see how you can practice boundaries over the Christmas period we often come face to face with, you know, family members who know exactly how to press those buttons to get desired, you know, crazy lady responses so, although they might not even intentionally do it and let's say that they intentionally do it but they just do that right, so. Yeah, and if you're interested in learning how you can hack your brain and hack your energetic thing to be more powerful to have healthy boundaries so that you can say yes when you mean yes and no when you mean no, and that you can carry this over into all areas of life, then please send me a personal message. And we'll look at the time for having a conversation. And so, yeah, that's it for me today and I hope you have a wonderful night.