Female Entreprenuers - Is Your Loyalty sabotaging your happiness and success?

Mar 31, 2021

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Hey bosses How

are you, it's Kylie, I'm back it's

Tuesday I

get to have a chat today, chat to you yesterday. But today, here I am and I wanted to have a look talk about loyalty and misplaced loyalty and actually often, it's quite unconscious loyalties so what I mean is when you, you have a deep core loyalty to the people in your life, how things are, and that you don't even really think about that because that's just part of your identity.


this is, um, it's obviously the first place that we would be loyal to would be our family of origin. And, you know, it can really impose influenced us in such a lot of different ways. And, you know, besides our family then it's sort of like our community, our, our own family if we have one, like a partner, our friends, our colleagues, like, so we can actually, we've formed these connections with people. And as much as they're based on love and kindness and acceptance. There's also

some conditions right when we engage with one another and there's certain conditions about I will love you if you are this way, and we don't really make it necessarily conscious expectations of behavior, but what we do know this is what happens when something is changed so someone's no longer meeting that expectation, they're behaving differently. And all of a sudden, you're not such a great person anymore. So, how can that happen. Well, let me, let me draw my head I think experience because interesting is like The Simpsons is like lots of, you know quotables from the hairdressing world, but one of the things that I used to be quite a standard phrase but then I could also, I was also on the other side of it, but that people would be very very loyal to the hairdresser. And so they would be very loyal to the hairdresser because they enjoyed the person, like they enjoyed the service that they received from the person usually they would appreciate the hair that they got. But it's more than just the hair and for some people, they'll be loyal to that hairdresser, even if they hated their hair, and would actually get have to get really really bad before they would actually break up with the hairdresser, because their nature, is just so loyal. Isn't that crazy. I mean, they're paying their hairdresser, that would be paying their hairdresser to

do the hat but

it was like it was obviously more than just the transaction and more than just the hair cut or the hair color. It was the whole package, and people would feel so loyal and so committed to that that relationship with their hairdresser that they would not leave a hairdresser, unless they had to move down and then sometimes it would be worth, you know, moving to the other side of the city just so that they have a good reason for breaking out with their hairdresser. Now, it's pretty sad right but we do this in all sorts of different ways, because we don't want to hurt anyone. We don't want to cause conflict. We don't want people to like lose their love, we'll lose one of these other people's love and appreciation we don't want to disturb the field you know we want things to just to be. We're just all gonna get along and keep being lovely to one another you know harmonic harmony will be harmonious, but that's like the safe zone the safe zone is,

you know, we'd

like security, but It's stifling. It's a prison becomes the you know the golden chains that bind us. So here's a question for you about loyalty. So, if you were to be really successful like really, really successful without, you know, destroying yourself, obviously if you want to be really successful. Who would be really happy for you and who wouldn't, you know, you'd be like, Oh no, everyone would be happy for me. Really, what about the friends that you have her. You've bonded with over hardship, would they be happy. And because don't like don't get me wrong, there you know the, the struggle against hardship, it's a real thing and it's like, there. It does give you an opportunity to have empathy and connect with other people also struggling against hardship. So if you have like a relationship that is really based on that struggle then if you are all of a sudden doing really well, that person might be really happy for you. Well, that person might be like, Well, what about me, what was my, you know, miracle of abundance is going to happen for me with, when do I get my lucky break right you're just lucky.

Another thing that has played out in my life was charging more than my teachers. So, or even like Yeah, even within hairdressing you know like there

was like hierarchy within my business and there's like the person who trained me was my, who is my ex was like, my partner at the time, and like he was like, you know, like the highest in the hierarchy. Even though price wise we did. We did meet at the same point, but it took time to get there. And then we had this hierarchy, you know, moving down but then I guess it didn't play out so much there but it can play out like that, but for energy healing and for my coaching, you know I have studied with lots of different healers and coaches and so it's like, anytime where Come like my pricing has come into the proximity of where my teachers pricing has been, it's been like, very uncomfortable to price beyond that, because it's like, what they might feel bad or thin as the imposter syndrome will kick in and be like, Well, who am I to charge that much when they're charging that much. Shoo fly. Yes, so the loyalty can play out there especially you know if you really love your teacher you really respect them, Then it can feel like that you're insulting them if you're, if you're pricing yourself higher than them, like you're it's like you're Who do you think you are to price yourself, higher than your teacher or higher than a mentor or higher than someone that you look up to in your industry, like, Who the hell are you to do that especially, you know, if they're pricing themselves, quiet, with a lot of accessibility but, you know, like, that's the way you want to be so you can't let other people. Set the pricing for you. Another place where loyalty can really screw us up and this is like massive self sabotage I see this a lot of my clients, and that is when we've come from a lineage where our parents did it really hard. Growing up we might have done it really really hard our parents do it really, really hard and their parents did it really really hard so we come through this slight lineage of of hardship and struggle, and if we're all of a sudden receiving money and it's, it's easy, like we have, eat. We have a beautiful home and we have like, you know, we don't have to, we can buy avocados every week and we can get the nice tomatoes and we can buy mangoes and raspberries, you know we can do all these like luxury things every week, and our parents, you know, couldn't do that, then we can feel disloyal to them because it's like, well, they had to do it so hard and we feel guilty, so much about disloyal but we feel really really guilty that we've got it easier than them. Another way is like doing things differently, not following the family Kraid. So, in life, you know, you might be from a family of battlers who work their guts out. And, you know, that's just the way that they've always done they've always struggled with money the West guts up but always been, you know, in a type of job or an industry where they didn't get a lot of money for all that hard work and but that's just who we are, that's our people. And that's also that's how we've always done things, you know, we've always done it that way. And that can play out in lots of different ways. We were talking about loyalty, you know like things like coping mechanisms like even addiction and things like that can be handed down from generation to generation through a sense of unconscious loyalty because that's how our parents dealt with stress, well that's how you know that's familiar to us that's how they deal with the stress that's how they buffer the pressures. So lots of different ways that we can use loyalty to self sabotage alpha, alpha cells. So yeah, basically, one of the ways to know if you are, it's loyalty that is really probably undoing you is this feeling of guilt. Pretty strong indicator that there's some unconscious loyalty. That is really not helping you right and so if you have guilt, then you're actually have an internal belief that is in conflict with your life aspirations with your life, vision, and the way that you're living your life the decisions that you make, so you're feeling guilt, you're in conflict, and there's a part of you that believes that you shouldn't be doing it as a part of you that part of you is really going to give you mixed results because it's going to come in and self sabotage you, it's going to self sabotage the outcomes all of your, all your marketing efforts is going to, it's going to turn up when you are, you know, making an offer to a client,

it's going to turn up when you're preparing a tender for an organization, it's going to, it's just going to come in and take you out of the game with ever you are actually, you know, moving towards you're trying to action, your goals and trying to be in action and creating the life and business that you want. Self Sabotage will always find a way to get expressed because it's one foot on the accelerator and one foot on the brake, that's conflict right. And so you could have the best marketing strategy at your fingertips you could have 1000s of leads coming into your business every year, and yet you won't have you won't be able to optimize your business because there's a part of you that's like, I don't want to. We can't have it, and you're pushing the abundance away. And that's how self sabotage works. So you'll get, you'll know if you're self sabotaging as you're doing lots of work and you're just getting really ordinary results, you know, you feel like you're doing what you feel like you really committed, but you're getting really ordinary results you've most likely got a some kind of internal conflict going on is stopping you from getting the traction that you want. Now, if you'd like help in dialing this in for yourself. You can book a free breakthrough session with me. All you have to do is click on the booking link I think it's above this video I'll pop it into the comments below as well. And on this breakthrough call, I'm not sure if a quarterbacks we call it a breakthrough call, we will have a look at what's not working in your business, and we'll have a look at what you're actually trying to accomplish. And we'll look at what's the gap in what had to fill the gap. Now, if that's something that you're ready to you've been, you're in the situation when you really want to get your business off the ground again mixed results. And you're like, you're thinking maybe there could be some self sabotage or there could be something that's going on that's contributing to those mixed or poor results, then make sure you book the breakthrough call with me, hit the link above or below this video and, and then come on and we'll have a chat about it. So, I hope to see you in a breakthrough call sometime soon. If you enjoyed this video please say hello, leave a comment below and I'll see you in the next video. Okay, bye.